Becoming a mom is like putting on a new set of eyes and ears. I don’t take things in the same way anymore. I have a new set of reflexes that make me take things in as a mother. When I watch the news now and hear about something horrible happening to a child, I instantly think of that child’s mom and how she must feel. Watching your empathy expand like that is beautiful but you’re now opened up to a lot of things you could once block out or not think about.
Almost two years ago we lost a friend — Sabina Rose O’Donnell — to a brutal murder. For everyone who knows, it’s too awful to recount. For those who don’t know, it went something like this. At the time her many friends and family came together to mourn and celebrate her and see to it that the person who did this was caught and brought to “justice” — something I realized no jail term or death penalty would deliver for the people who would always love and miss Sabina. I’d see her mom in the news and at memorial events and always wanted to say something to her but never knew just what to say. “I’m sorry” seemed ridiculously insufficient, “I loved her” so obvious, and “We’re with you” a paltry substitute for who I know she really wanted with her.
And because these things just don’t happen at the clip of a Law & Order episode, here we are nearly two years later and the trial of Sabina’s murderer has finally started. In these past two years I know everyone who knew and loved her has thought about her often, and tried to keep living the lives we wish she was a part of today. For the people closest to her, I know that’s meant many, many hard days. I still think of her every time I walk into PYT, which is to say I just don’t go in there nearly as much as I did when she was still the one there to greet us at the front door.
The other night Mike and I were talking about the trial starting and I couldn’t stop thinking of Sabina’s mom. Everybody starts out as somebody’s baby, and we kept saying we can’t imagine what it would be like have our child on either side of something like this — the victim of such a crime or the one who carries it out. For Sabina’s mom, I hope she knows that so many people are thinking about her during this trial and still thank her for bringing Sabina into this world and our lives. I can only hope our child shines as much light into the lives of as many people one day.
